This last week has again made me re-examine my spirituality and beliefs of our purpose here and of our purpose after death. I lost a good friend this week, only 65 but he had lost his joy for life. Another good friend lies in a hospital bed, in a brain damaged coma, teetering on the brink of that precipice to the Great Beyond. Cliff is only 41 and suffered a major aneurysm playing at home with his two small children. His zest for life is great, so much in contrast to dear sad Don. Two close friends, both of whom I care for are in effect, gone.
These last couple of years have brought more than their share of sadness and loss. I always considered myself a blessed and charmed person, never really experiencing great loss. My beloved Grandmother Ora had gone, but her time to pass was here and she had great work to accomplish on the Other Side. And she is still here for me, my Spirit Guide in all things.
These last years though have been hard, my mother who was my best friend died after a medical test went horribly wrong. I told myself it would be fine, FELT it with my whole being, but NO--this time my charmed life failed me. Two months later, still reeling and in a stupor from my mothers untimely passing, (on her birthday to make matters worse!) my husband passed away from a rare type of brain tumor. Again, I had felt like he was going to be fine, but just after the Doctor pronounced him doing very good, two seizures hit and he didn't make it.
My mother was a fighter, like my friend Cliff, with a remarkable grace and love of life and nature and a deep spirituality.
My husband, more like my just lost friend Don, sad and tired and not able to see the joy in just BEING! My husband felt his pain was the result of Karma, something he wholly embraced. He felt that the bad we do ALWAYS comes back to us in a many fold way. My husband was ex-military, not just a soldier but a member of a Black-OP's Special Forces unit that did VERY bad things. He wallowed in his guilt, bore it like a mantle of painful and weighty shame. His very existence was so inexorably intertwined with his belief that he could never repay his Karmic debt. Torture, assassination, dead babies and burned villages were his every night dreams and his waking nightmares. He saw spirits and ghosts, my husband, shades of those he felt he had wronged, had killed. In his visions they lined the roads, reaching out to him with grasping hands, their horrible blank eyed faces twisted into silent screams with great gaping maws of silent rage.
On our last trip to a cabin by a lake my family visited, he was afraid to leave the deck, seeing these same ghostly spirits rising up from the water, waiting to pull him down to his eternal punishment. Some might say it was the tumor causing these visions of his, and, perhaps, it did worsen them. BUT, you see, I see spirits too, and hear them, as did my Gram and many others I know. My spirit world is not frightening or evil but one where these incredible beings interact with and protect me. They are guides and messengers, protectors and providers, teachers and wisdom givers. True they could not spare me the pain of loss but they in some way lessen it. Has this shaken my belief that powerful spirits can aid and protect us? Not at all. I just realize that death MUST be an integral part of the Universal Cycle. That just as the energy of servitors must re-enter the Universal flow, so too must our energy. My hope is that in the place they dwell now, that the souls of my friend Don and that of my husband have found peace and grace and whatever measure of self foregiveness or solace they sought.
I talk to those I meet through my offerings all the time and one question that many new to magick and metaphysics always ask, is how will this energetic benefit me? I try to answer honestly without incredible claims. To tell them that it is an amazing thing to have these companion spirits on your side, at your side. They add so much to our lives in so many ways, both subtle and tangible. My life as I have said has been 'charmed' by my closeness with these spirits. True they could not spare me the pain of loss, but they have given me many opportunities to advance myself and my situation. These spirits ignite our innate powers of attraction into a nuclear fire that draws positive to us. Still, I must recognize what is offered and act upon it. It's not a manner of just having riches handed to oneself, it's an active collaboration of give and take and working towards a desired goal.
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I am with you Verna. All the time.
ReplyDeleteGabriele